Rain, rain, don't go away

Oh rain. It's wonderful and deadly. It creates life and also destroys it. It's raining now and it seems like it will never stop, but I know differently. It'll stop tonight or early in the morning, it always does. Rain is a awesome power of force and nature. How can it be that so many hate it? I will never know because I will always get different answers, different opinions on how the rain is for each person. Though it seems like nobody wants the rain to ever drench them or walk in the majesticness of it.

Consider this; what if you were a raindrop? Born only to fall with your siblings and die in a suicide you cannot escape. You'd be hitting pavement, mountains, valleys, people, buildings, cars, and animals. Or would you believe that this suicide could be a freedom is which you are a raindrop forming into a one of a kind snowflake? Only to fall and be melted or used to be played in. Would you be apart of a snow angel or snowman? Or would you be plowed away with the rest of your family. Or better yet, would you turn to hail and fall hurting others depending on your size? Would you be a so-called army of pellets to die a warriors death?

We may never know how it would feel. But picture it; just walking through the puddles watch the raindrops make a splash in them. Getting soaking wet to feel alive and more like yourself. And even if you were a raindrop you could become part of a stream, a river, even the sea. You could cause floods only because the clouds and air willed it that way. Rising to destroy human nature, then simmering down to a mere stream, one that is walked on by the human being. Can you picture it. I know I can, I've been sitting here watching the rain. Going from a sprinkling to a downpour to a slushy raindrop to a sprinkling again. The rain is powerful no doubt as are the clouds that produce this awesome force.

Just imagine; being a raindrop.

Getting Closer

Well being off the computer for a week has been good to me. It's made me think, connect, improve, and stay true to myself. This week I realized things about myself that I hadn't really realized before. I realized I need to improve the little things and some big things in my life. Some little things, not falling asleep on the couch. Big things, my attitude and motivation. I also had a great week with what has happened at church this week. It's been so powerful and has left me in awe on how the power of God has affected me. I used to be blind but I've opened my eyes.

It was consecration week and also prophetic weekend. What they spoke about and what is still speaking in my heart, has hit be like a semi going 70 on the freeway. It's now something that I'm not just chasing but I have finally found it. The Holy Spirit as filled me so much I don't know how much more I can have. I have pressed in and been feeling things and getting things spoke to about that has been helping me so much. Like my attitude, I've been working on so hard, I feel like I've been a laborer for years and years on end, but I see that I can't take every bad thing personally or someone else's attitude personally anymore. I just have to blow it off and not really get mad about it.

It seems like I've been holding myself back for so long, but it was something that one of the men that were guest's preached about today that stuck out to me like a neon yellow construction shirt. It was simple and yet I never realized how simple it was. Be bold. That was it and it hit me, I can't hold myself back anymore because if I do how am I giving glory to God when I can't raise my hands in church or talk about my relationship with Him. I've been needing this for so long and now that it's hit me, I can't even put it into words except I will seek Him and press in because I need more of Him. I am improving and it's going to powerful when I fulfill what the Lord wants me to do. I am His vessel to do what He has laid out for me.

One God, One Love, One Way.

The Beginning

The beginning always starts of different for others. For some it starts out as a harsh time for others it starts out exciting. My beginning starts out in between, going through a big rough patch in my life and being excited of starting a new life. Moving away from my past in Reno, I've grown to love the streets of Boise. This city reminds me of my old home but 100 times better. No drive by shootings on your street, I haven't even seen one piece of graffiti except for the beaten train cars that shoot by on the old tracks. Boise is just beautiful too, it seems like it has more nature than Reno ever had. The people here are good people, you don't have to second guess them. They're nice and it seems they have strong morals. I still have more to explore in my new city but I already know that my new life will be wonderful.

Reno is beautiful in it's own sense but it's not home anymore. When we go back to Reno to visit as soon as we hit the outskirts I get sick because of my past and what I've done but with God I know that past is washed away once I do get baptized. But on with Reno, I love the place where I grew up but I absolutely hate it. It's grimey streets aren't to be enjoyed unless you enjoy a beaten downtown. The casinos are dirty and smell smoke everywhere. It seems like everyone smokes cigarettes there and its a party town. It's all I hear about anymore from friends living there. You never feel safe anymore. When going down Wells Avenue you literally have to watch your back when you're driving. It's that scary. Also it doesn't feel diverse, it just looks like they're a ton of Hispanics (which there is nothing wrong with but sometime you want diversity). The people in Reno, except for the very few I trust outside family, you have to second guess them. You never know if they have their own secret agenda against you. You hear how there's problems in everyone's life and how they all just either do drugs or drink their problems away, becoming numb. It's all parties and how drunk they get now too, or how high they get. It's not a great way to live and it will never be that way.

Life isn't about that honestly. It's about exploring the world and what's in it. It's about finding yourself and being who you are. It's about meeting new people and gaining new friends and acquaintances for the rest of your life. Life in reality is about discovery, to discover yourself, the people around you, the nature that surrounds us and even our urban landscape. For me also it's being the woman God wants me to be and standing up for what's right and strengthening my relationship with God, family, my church family, and my friends. I only have one life on Earth. This is my beginning; starting out anew and being the person, the woman I am supposed to be.